The Sex-Starved Marriage

So often the pursuing partner’s longing to feel close, safe and connected through lovemaking is misunderstood and the sadness, loneliness and rejection not seen by the other.  Michelle Weiner Davis understands those underlying attachment needs.  I often hear the withdrawn partner describing the other as “just wanting sex, it’s all about sex” and missing what is really going on where sexual connection is rare or lost.

Dr. Sue Johnson’s new book (January, 2014)


(Published in the UK as The Love Secret)

From the bestselling author of Hold Me Tight — a revolutionary understanding of why and how we love, based on cutting-edge research.

Love is not the least bit illogical or random, but actually an ordered and wise recipe for survival. The need for connection is our first and most primary instinct. Drawing on groundbreaking research, LOVE SENSE reveals that romantic love is an attachment bond, just like that between mother and child; emotional interaction with partner buffers us from stress and makes us stronger in the face of life’s challenges; touch and intimacy spurs the growth of mirror neurons, which help us “read” and respond to our partners; and a good relationship is the best recipe for happiness and good health and a powerful antidote to aging. Dr. Sue Johnson, creator of the remarkably successful Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy, explains how to develop “love sense”—the ability to build long-lasting relationships.

LOVE SENSE opens the door to the revolutionary new science of emotional bonding. It empowers you with the confidence and tools to craft make-or-break moments and weather the key stages in your relationships. Dr. Johnson outlines the three basic strategies for handling your attachment needs and fears, and offers fresh insight into the link between sex and emotional bonding. Learning how to enhance or repair the bond with your partner no longer has to be a matter of guesswork. Told in Dr. Johnson’s reassuring voice, LOVE SENSE presents practical, accessible advice on building more intimacy, safety, and trust; coping with separation distress, loss, and forgiveness; and strengthening your safe-haven relationship to ensure a lifetime of love. It will change the way you think about love.




Making Relationships Work – John Gottman – Part 1

John Gottman’s research observing couples lead to insights about which marriages will thrive and which will not last.  This lead to a wonderful book for couples: The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.

Gottman’s work complements Sue Johnson’s Emotionally-Focused Therapy for Couples.  Here is the first of four videos/presentations by Gottman: